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SkyRocket
10-20-2008, 12:52 PM
Chapter One
Christian wasn't the most popular person in school and he knew this vacation would get his mind off things. He was in Amazon with his father who was a scientist who found unknown species. Of course the ones he found were always known. Christian was listening to his iPod while his father was talking about some bird in the tree.
"That bird is known as a Yellow Himberfick." said his dad.
His dad always was wrong about things. But Christian always played along.
"Wow, I've never seen a bird like that before." Christian said loudly, not noticing his own voice level over his iPod. The bird fluttered it's wings then flew off with a loud screach that only seemed to be heard by Christian. He could have sworn the bird burst into flames before it disappeared.



Be sure to comment on my story!

SkyRocket
10-20-2008, 07:24 PM
Anyone got comments? o_o

RedPirate
10-20-2008, 07:24 PM
I think yer in need of a comment......... I think it's a great start : D

Solar
10-20-2008, 07:31 PM
In the beginning, you overused periods a bit, but otherwise it is a great story. Keep them coming!

-Solar

CoffeeWheat
10-20-2008, 07:37 PM
ROFL! It burst into flames?! This is my kind of story!

laurasfriend
10-20-2008, 07:49 PM
i think u should get rid of some of those periods but avoid run on sentences too :)

but other than that i think it's good!